Just thought I would drop you a line to let you know that at flag down yesterday Joel decided to sing during the normally quite bit and all the leaders agreed afterwards ( and indeed the District Commissioner and Group Scout Leader how we're also present) that is was really beautiful.
I don't know if you hear his singing often, but it was a real treat for us.
Jok
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| Joel on a Cubs outing in East Sussex having just had a great time going tunnelling |
My heart melted for this man who I thought was going to be a hard nut to crack. But Joel has a habit of cracking hard nuts. He tends to get the best out of people. He will be singing on a train full of commuters and bring a smile to a face. He will try and nick someones croissant on a street cafe because he can and I will run after him apologising profusely to said cross person who will soften once I explain the situation. He really is going to give me a heart attack I think but at the same time I don't know it any other way and I love him with all my heart so it's just tough luck I guess if someone doesn't like him or the things he does.
An example of someone who really didn't like Joel's peculiar traits recently was a rather large lady sitting with a bunch of conspiratorial looking mothers watching our children swim (I was in the pool with Max age three as it was his first lesson and he was terrified of the swim instructor who I must admit did look like a witch and I have no other way to describe her. She also had a piercing voice which didn't help). So I brought along Joel and Holly age seven to the swim class too as the pool had a section for free swimming. But of course Joel didn't want to sit or swim in the free swimming area but he wanted to sit and paddle where the lesson was as this was the only part of the pool that had a ladder to enter the pool.
Joel was happily paddling away minding his own business and the teacher didn't mind nor anyone else until this lady came up and said he was disturbing her view of her child who was having a swimming lesson and could he please move as she is paying good money for these classes. Sinead who was with me to help out with Joel was standing up to this lady and trying to explain Joel had austism to which this appalling woman said 'autism aside he's getting in the way of my view'. I moved closer to the conversation or let's say I waded towards them with Max who was screaming in the lesson and not letting me out of my sight. Fat Lady then repeated the story to me to which I immediately told Joel to move as it just wasn't worth having an argument and I knew I would never be returning to this hellish swimming lesson!
Sometimes it's just not worth fighting these mini battles - I have to choose my battles. And believe me I have fought many for Joel. Just this one was too small and too unworthy. This lady was never going to change. I wasn't going to try and make her take a different stand. Although if I was feeling really wilful I would have told her if she couldn't see her darling boy swimming she should get off her fat backside and start moving about a bit and then she may then see him and lose some weight and to stop being a miserable certain type of animal etc etc. But I felt quite good about not divulging into all of this. Especially as I didn't want to give other conspiratorial looking mothers who were sitting with the Fat Lady any other form of entertainment to the one they had already had.
Back to Jok. This was a man who sat me down with Joel and another cub official at the start of Joel's cub experience with a somewhat scared and confused attitude to Joel age nine with severe autism joining his cub group. He's a meat and two veg type and quite gruff and what my Grand mother would have described as 'manly'. Jok had never come across this sort of thing and certainly none of the other cub leaders had. He admitted this and said his group was a back water middle class group where people didn't experience a child with autism. Joel's track record in Beavers had come before him across to the cubs about his love of painting (he smeared paint on the walls in the hall rather than on a poster so rather a lot of clearing up had to be done).
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| Sinead Joel's carer and Joel at Cubs |
So we started Joel off in the cubs with quite anxiously and I would be relieved to hear from Sinead that it had gone well and gradually Joel has really taken to the group and they have taken to him. Sinead says Jok's face lights up when Joel comes into the room. It's because Joel has endeared himself to Jok as he loves Jok and goes up to him jumping up and down so happily when he sees Jok. Jok didn't know how to take this but he is getting used to it.
In a recent cub inspection by Jok in a uniform inspection line up (hope Joel hadn't chewed his toggle off again). When Jok got to my autistic son Joel leapt out to Jok and said very loudly 'I got you!' which gave Jok a minor heart attack probably but apparently he did see the funny side to this. Joel gets away with these things when another nine year old couldn't. Joel likes to smear mud all over himself when going on cub outings to the Ashdown forest. Other cubs won't be doing this but I'm sure they would secretly love to be doing this. But they don't have the same sensory needs that Joel has. They accept him though. When going on a recent trip to the park Joel said to a boy 'hold hand' and the boy looked taken aback (it's not cool to hold hands when you're a nine year old boy especially with another boy) but this boy did hold his hand without question.
Yesterday at cubs they were doing ballet. Yes ballet. All the other cubs were not taking part and some were sent out of the room as they were being rude about ballet and being generally very boyish about the whole experience. Not Joel. He was jumping up and down enjoying the ballet and loving the music and copying Sinead doing basic ballet moves! It's Billy Elliot in the making! You just gotta love it!
The point I guess I'm trying to make is if everyone kept an open mind like Jok even though they admit they don't have a clue about autism but are willing to go with it and put up with the peculiarities that autism brings with it, then the world would be a brighter place. I am sure he has wanted to control the environment when Joel is in like the Fat Lady, but we can't control people least of all people with autism but we can try and help and guide them and teach them approriate behaviour and playing but with that it's not plain sailing. Every person who wants to accept, include and help children like Joel will be making a difference.
Keep bringing a smile to our faces Joel we love you.
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