Cornwall, Wedding and Hamsters

Chilling out after a swim August 2013

Joel had a wonderful Summer and was the calmest yet this holidays.  So when we got back to Sussex he kind of crashed and this change for him hit him quite badly.  The comfort of being with the Grandparents in the tranquil country to being home which is still tranquil and still in semi-rural setting still took him time to adjust.  I think we're over the worst of it but he hadn't been sleeping or being the relaxed boy he was on holiday.

Joel on the beach Summer 2013



Joel at his Grandparents resting on the sofa where he likes to chill out

For me personally who has a child with severe autism I would say the most important things I want for Joel before anything is that he's :-

a) calm and not in distress as the latter can happen in bouts and this gets very stressful as you just have to ride it out and wait until the storm's over and this can last either a few days to weeks.
b) sleep.  This is majorly important for any parent but sleep is a precious commodity in the world of autism and when we get it - i.e. when Joel sleeps we are truly grateful. 

Since coming back from Summer in Cornwall Joel has got into his weird habit of going in and out of the bathroom, climbing into the bath (only when it's empty), and then putting his head on the floor like a ritual.  He has also been putting his light on and off and the bathroom one and all the other bedrooms and rooms to the point where he's taken off the light cap switches whatever the technical term is for that...he's also been in a sort of hyper mood with lots of anxiety. 



Max, Holly, Joel, Sinead relaxing after a swim

This brings me back to his behaviours last year  and reminds me that when he goes through good patches you never take it for granted.  Autism behaviours come and go and sometimes you can eliminate one behaviour and then be hit with another.  So you think you're moving forwards with a behaviour like this ritualistic behaviour had gone for  months yet it came back....and then the light switching thing takes on a new meaning for Joel.  

Sinead, Joel's carer said that it's perhaps by switching the light on and off it's a calming thing to do for him having read The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism by Naoki Higashida, Keiko Yoshida (Translation), David Mitchell .

Joel at th eMinack theatre, Cornwall with Sinead

 

There are reasons why children with autism do these seemingly pointless things and this amazing young boy manages to explain some of the reasons why they do these things.  This is the first book I would suggest you read if you want to get an understanding of autism without all the cures and the behaviour management.  It actually celebrates autism and all of it's complexities; this boy is a true hero and shows he's compassionate, deeply sensitive, hates the fact he could be upsetting anyone and craves to be social and is loving.  These are all features which are generally written off by most people who assume somehow these aren't given to an autistic child because they can't necessarily display these signs or tell you they love you it doesn't mean that they don't feel all of these things.  I know Joel is all of these things and by reading this book it really opened up his world to me.

 Joel, Max, Holly and cousin Evelyn and Atticus

When we got back from Cornwall we went to Uncle Gavin and Aunt Laura's wedding and Joel did amazingly well in the service apart from saying 'oh no' once which made everyone laugh.
I was so proud of him that day as his behaviour was impeccable and all the sleepless nights seemed to fade when you have a day like that.  He's come a long way and I thank his school for helping with these behaviours tirelessly.  Just this week his class teacher and speech therapist came to the house to help with speech and said to get Joel to talk we can sort out the washing and match socks, pants (he calls them undies from Australia days) and to get him to say what the word is and put them away and if he says socks we have to add 'green' socks or a word on to the one he said so he can start putting two words together.  As he was sorting these clothes out I had a glimmer of hope that he may one day have a job.  I later told Jake this and he said he doesn't look at it like that he just doesn't put any expectation on Joel in the future.  Jake was just proud he was talking and labelling some clothes.  Something we only dreamt he'd do a few years back.  Of course Jake wants him to do things but he doesn't project in the same way I do!

Gavin, me and Harry my brothers at Gavin's wedding

 My boy Joel at the wedding August 2013

Holly with her new hamster Sammy

We also have a new member to the family.  Sammy the hamster.  He's ok apart from the fact that Max let him out for a few hours with me chasing it around the house.  Joel likes him and stroked him and even said 'hamster!'  So it's that's got to be good.  He's also sleeping a bit better and seems calmer.  I did get reinforcements in - my friend Fr Peter said a very powerful prayer in his room and this was before I got the geopathic stress guy in (acupuncture on the house man).  Believe me you try anything to get your child in a calmer space.  Anyway it turns out I don't need the latter person after Fr Peter came by and some friends came by with some Lourdes water after Joel poured mine away!  Life is never dull...

 

Woodlarks Adventurers Camp

I can't be the only mother in the world to admit that the Summer holidays fill me with dread?  Especially  if faced with a child with special needs.  So am happy to announce Summer '13 was the best yet with my children.  

It started with Joel going on a camp for disabled children called Woodlarks Adventurers' Camp for boys aged 10-18 with disabilities in Farnham, Surrey.  http://www.woodlarks.org.uk/ 

It's the most amazing camp you would want your child to stay on with an outdoor swimming pool, beautiful grounds and Joel stayed in a purpose built chalet with two helpers Zoe and Emma and Michelle who was supervising.  Michelle has been on this camp for over ten years and I knew immediately Joel was going to be in good hands under her care.  Michelle lives in Brixton and is a teacher's assistant in a special needs school and other volunteers were at school or uni with many studying medicine.  One doctor in the making Greg helped with Joel too and Emma and Zoe were Joel's helpers on the camp who were great with him.  Yet again I am amazed at these young people working with kids with disabilities like last year when I was in Lourdes with Joel.

Joel with Zoe, Greg and Emma

Joel on Aerial Runway

I couldn't believe Joel had a lovely chalet style room; I could even plug his cd player in as he enjoys music at night.  I didn't think Joel was ready for a tent just yet as most were out camping.  But Joel entered into the spirit of things and went to the camp fires joining in with everything.  Thank you Woodlarks and thank you to Bob Newport who is the camp co-ordinator who is disabled himself and in a wheelchair - 'I'm the man with no legs and one arm when you see me'.  He had a great sense of humour and years ago was scout leader to the camp 'cooks' who were now in their 50s and have been coming to Woodlarks since they were 13 to help out.  I still get bowled over by all these amazing people who choose to take time out of their work schedules to volunteer with kids like my boy.  I think the pictures say it all.  Joel was very happy there.  Bob said Joel will be able to come every year until he's 18.  What an amazing offer.  I took a leap of faith into the unknown (the nurse who met me when I turned up picked up I was a little nervous leaving him but immediately put me at ease).  

Joel Climbing at Woodlarks Summer Camp 2013

Joel on the Aerial Runway Woodlarks Camp

Bowling day out 

Earth Child - Joel with Zoe taking time out to meditate

Chilling out at lunch time on camp

Joel singing with Emma

So I went to Dorset and Devon to see friends with Holly and Max while Joel was in camp and Joel came down to meet us in Cornwall to stay with the Grandparents and had the best time ever but that'll come in another chapter.

Joel has had an amazing Summer with his family and for that first week of the Summer holidays with these wonderful young people.  That week made a huge difference for me and doubtless the twenty other parents or carers of the other kids there .  It gave me a breather and it gave me a chance to go on a road trip with my other two and spend time with them.  Max was particularly hard work that week but he's in his terrible three stage.  Someone said it was the xxxxing threes which I thought was a very apt way of describing it.  A stranger said I had my hands full when Max had a tantrum and I said 'you don't know the half of it' with a wry smile.  This was a break from the other with severe autism!  Hoping Max will get out of that stage some time soon and it's hard to tell as Joel age three was just a screaming wreck most of the time and didn't have any communication or social awareness and Max is very social.  Just a boy who's just getting to grips with potty training...that's another story.

I have survived this Summer unscathed and actually will miss them when they're back at school tomorrow.  But not that much.  Roll on tomorrow....thank goodness it's over!

Joel, Holly and Max enjoying a swim at home Summer 2013

Lock down, Autism and Dogs


Sometimes I go into 'lock down' when encountered with this huge thing called autism. 

One friend of mine who's son is in the same class as Joels said she goes into 'shut down' mode when her son displays so many autism behaviours that your body somehow protects itself from this destruction that happens right in front of you and you just have to close up shop and let it happen.  Examples are when Joel has got creams out and smeared them everywhere, emptied food from kitchen cupboards, peeing on the floors around the house. 

That last behaviour of Joel's though has really got to me as I can't seem to control that one and I am supposed to re-direct him to the loo and not say anything but my instinct is saying the opposite. 

Joel can pee in the toilet but for some reason he's got other ideas at home at the moment.  The good news is he's not doing this at school as he has one on one support there but at home it's a different story.  With Holly (7) and Max (3) around too I can't supervise Joel all the time so he'll just get on with these behaviours which with a kid of 2-3 you'd expect maybe, but not one who's nearly 10.  Yikes.

I have been to see Karen incontinence nurse of West Sussex this week to discuss strategies.  Pictures, signs, rewards (we decided non sugar polos could be an option and Karen suggested haribos).  Please Karen can you just come to my house and be on his case and not leave it all up to me?  That is just not going to happen.  Like most of these services I'm left with paperwork but not results.

This is why so many things in life which would have worried me before are so not important now so that's a good thing I guess.  

In my pilates class this week I saw a fellow autism mother who has a child Joel's age who goes in a push chair when she's out as she can't control her child if she was walking so I felt grateful we can walk with Joel when we're out.  Her child also has seizures so it's a constant strain for her and I could see a haunted look on her face this week.  Do you offer sympathy?  Yes but not pity.  Anything but that I've had enough dished out to me for a lifetime so not giving it to her.  Though I do talk to her when I can about what's going on with Joel so that she can maybe chat to me.  We don't really know each other so it's not like just because you both have something in common you have to automatically set up a support group.  



Holly, Blue, Joel and cousin Bea at Granny and Grandpa's in Cornwall

Holly wants a dog for her imminent birthday coming up in a week.  I said we'd get one if it was trained and looked up dogs for the disabled as you can get dogs for autistic kids now.  But they are based in Oxfordshire so will only give dogs to autistic kids in the area.  They offer something called PAWS http://paws.dogsforthedisabled.org/ so am looking into going to a workshop to find out about how to train a dog for a child with autism.  I think I must be mad to be thinking about this but Joel, Holly and Max love dogs and love their Grandparent's dog Blue and I do think a dog could help Joel with communication and maybe these behaviours he gets into.  Having a dog may break the cycle of these behaviours and bring so much to the family life maybe disentangling the many parts of autism.  Then again it may be like toilet training not one, two but three members of a family and not so into that part.

Respite in Portugal for two nights

I think I lay here glued to the spot like this for two days solid while Jake was working and I was so grateful for the break.  Don't underestimate the power of rest and recuperation.  I am very proud of my toenails too.

Holly's blog

 

 

Holly my seven year old daughter wants to start a blog.  Here's her first page as she envisages it.

 

Here is her First Holy Communion cake design for a few weeks time. 

She's a very industrious girl and always has a project on the go.  She has a list of all her teddys and what they are called and how old they are.  (she has a lot of teddies).  So I was surprised at this book she has about them.  I don't remember doing any of this.  In any case I preferred dolls and she prefers animals.

Holly is the best sister Joel and Max could have.  At a recent parent's evening her Welsh teacher was welling up talking about her and said she is kind and a peace maker and also funny at the same time.  She's got amazing qualities.  Whether Joel brings them out in her I don't know but I do know she's one in a million and I'm very blessed to have her.

 

Music evokes memories

No other music is more profound to me than Delius 'The Walk to the Paradise Garden' as this was the sound I heard when walking into the church at my father's funeral. 

It was heart wrenching and at the same time a comfort and empowering to hear this music my father so loved.  The music reached a crescendo and it all seemed quite dramatic but I'm sure that's how my father would have wanted it as he loved Delius On hearing the First Cuckoo in Spring.  I love it too and play it to think of him.  This is probably the closest I get to him when I hear this and Gershwin and other music he loved like Holst's Planets. 

The Academy of St. Martin in the Fields – Delius: The Walk to the Paradise Garden (Intermezzo from "A Village Romeo and Juliet")

When I hear music on the radio which my father liked I often think it's a sign.  The biggest sign I had recently of him was when I had an arrival of an old dresser I got off eBay complete with an old newspaper in the dresser drawers from 1971 from Bideford, Devon and there was an advert about Edgehill school which is where my father worked as a bursar in his final post.  He was already retired but they wanted a good bursar in place to troubleshoot for them but he ended up staying longer than planned.   Surely that was a sign?  It's like he's reminding me he's there looking out for me in some way.  It was very coincidental and this dresser had obviously been sitting in a dusty old house for years without being used although I've now painted over it in Farrow and Ball's Cornfield and somehow brought it up to date.  I love it when things like that happen and I'll keep the newspaper in the drawers as somehow it would be sacrilegious to remove them.

Joel loves music and is currently singing a hymn he learnt at Lourdes beginning with Alleluia Praise the Lord which he joyfully sings on his travels.  He also likes Aha 'Take on Me', Alesha Dixon and Pink according to another special needs girl who stays with Joel on overnight respite at High Trees and said to me I should get him these albums of the latter two as he enjoys this music.  When Joel's in bed at night and his music has stopped playing he shouts out 'MUSIC' pronounced 'MUJIC'!   So we have to go upstairs and turn the music back on.  We're trying to teach him to turn the music on himself but patience is a virtue....

Joel enjoyed his half term holiday and always does get so much from seeing all his Grandparents in Cornwall.  His Grandparents make sure he has music by his bed and Mozart is regularly played at bed time.  I wonder what he hears and if it's every pitch of the music as he has perfect pitch and his carer Sinead who is also a singer said they sang together and Joel sang a duet with her and gave her goose pimples as he anticipated her note and matched it perfectly.   Maybe we could find a choir for him or somehow bring this musical side to him out and give it a purpose.  I know he's gifted in this area.  Until we make him a genius for now every time Aha comes on I'll think of Joely and my father when Delius comes on and think how does music evoke so much?

Joel on May half term 2013 Cornwall holiday

 

Dana International - Eurovision Song Contest 1998 and my Israel Experience

Dana International after winning the Eurovision Song Contest 1998

I can claim to have met some really random d list celebrities if you can call them that and the one I am most proud of is spending the night with Dana International after she won the Eurovision Song contest 1998.  I was the only Brit in her hotel room sharing the glory and it was probably one of the most entertaining and exciting evenings I have ever had as Dana  and her entourage were watching themselves on the news having won Eurovision and were buzzing, though it was funny seeing her without her wig on.

Apart from playing tennis with Phil from East Enders in Cornwall and on to a BBQ at his house in Falmouth with Billy from East Enders ( he was very polite and gave me a lift home like Cinderella when I really did think there was no hope of any romance with him) and once meeting Paul Daniels who wanted to go to bed with me when I was 16 if I picked the Ace of Spades when I demanded he do a card trick.  When I asked where Debbie was she was back at the villa apparently (we were in La Manga Campo de Golf in a bar and he was lurking in the bar in the early hours).  I did pick the ace of spades but I wasn't going anywhere.  It all sounds very dodgy now doesn't it.

So by the time I found myself with Dana International I had truly reached the dizzy heights of fame and felt privileged to be asked to the after party.  'Diva' was a  very catchy tune wasn't it ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5lkNj0kx0k (I am on the credits under 'Delegate Services').  This is seriously funny.

I was the International Delegate services co-ordinator as we were hosting Eurovision in Birmingham in 1998 or something to that description which meant translating letters to all the 25 or so countries taking part and making sure they were all happy which included looking after 25 guides who in turn were each looking after 25 bands from their respective European destinations.  I hit it off with the Israeli guide instantly and we became friends hence why I joined his gang at their after party celebration in Dana's hotel room.   I was invited to Israel soon after!

I joined Guy the guide and his friends in Tel Aviv and immediately loved the country.   I loved the Israeli's and their attitude and charisma and we ended up travelling around Israel reaching the Golan Heights and the Lebanon borders where the army guarding the borders suddenly brought me back to the tensions going on in this vibrant country and it's borders.

We travelled to Jerusalem and walked around the gardens of Gethsemane and watched the fascinating people at the Wailing Wall. The Holocaust Museum was probably the most memorable site and resonates with me most.  Inside the Children's memorial with the simple calling of the children's names was the most earth shattering experience.  These children will never be forgotten and the visit to this memorial has never left me and it is a very necessary reminder to all.  I hope to take my children there some day.

Floating on the Dead Sea was pretty cool and I remember Lake Galilee being one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to.  My childhood images of Bethlehem were shattered when I arrived at literally a shell where evidence of bomb blasts were all over.  When I visited Jesus's birth place in the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem it was under the church in a grotto and a hole was presented on the ground with marble flooring.  I don't know what I expected - some straw and an old stable maybe?  This was far from my expectations. 

I digress - but If it wasn't for Dana International my life would be a little less richer.  I hope she's still having a wonderful time in amazing outfits with feathers sticking out everywhere.  She is one of the worlds most well known transsexuals and also voted in Israel in a pole as being the 47th-greatest Israeli of all time.

Eurovision will never be the same for me as I will always remember Dana and somehow our UK entrant Bonnie Tyler doesn't really do it for me, but I hope she wins it tonight in any case! 

Dana did enter a few years back for the second time but didn't win.    I don't follow Eurovision and I didn't ever really take much of an interest in it and always get a bit worried when I hear people are having Eurovision parties!    I loved Bucks Fizz and 'Making your Mind up' when they won when I was in primary school and seem to remember buying the single and copying the dance with my friend.   

Bring back Dana that's what I say, third time lucky next time?

Flag Down

I was so touched at the following email received the other week about feedback from Joel's cub sessions from cub master Jok.  I honestly thought as I was reading his email entitled 'Flag Down' that Joel was going to be booted out of the cubs.  It has a very official tone at the start and I thought here we go...Joel's really done it now...but to my relief Jok picked out a positive in Joel's singing voice! 


Just thought I would drop you a line to let you know that at flag down yesterday Joel decided to sing during the normally quite bit and all the leaders agreed afterwards ( and indeed the District Commissioner and Group Scout Leader how we're also present) that is was really beautiful.

 I don't know if you hear his singing often, but it was a real treat for us.


Jok

Joel on a Cubs outing in East Sussex having just had a great time going tunnelling

My heart melted for this man who I thought was going to be a hard nut to crack.  But Joel has a habit of cracking hard nuts.  He tends to get the best out of people.  He will be singing on a train full of commuters and bring a smile to a face.  He will try and nick someones croissant on a street cafe because he can and I will run after him apologising profusely to said cross person who will soften once I explain the situation.  He really is going to give me a heart attack I think but at the same time I don't know it any other way and I love him with all my heart so it's just tough luck I guess if someone doesn't like him or the things he does. 

An example of someone who really didn't like Joel's peculiar traits recently was a rather large lady sitting with a bunch of conspiratorial looking mothers watching our children swim (I was in the pool with Max age three as it was his first lesson and he was terrified of the swim instructor who I must admit did look like a witch and I have no other way to describe her.  She also had a piercing voice which didn't help).  So I brought along Joel and Holly age seven to the swim class too as the pool had a section for free swimming.  But of course Joel didn't want to sit or swim in the free swimming area but he wanted to sit and paddle where the lesson was as this was the only part of the pool that had a ladder to enter the pool. 

Joel was happily paddling away minding his own business and the teacher didn't mind nor anyone else until this lady came up and said he was disturbing her view of her child who was having a swimming lesson and could he please move as she is paying good money for these classes.  Sinead who was with me to help out with Joel was standing up to this lady and trying to explain Joel had austism to which this appalling woman said 'autism aside he's getting in the way of my view'.  I moved closer to the conversation or let's say I waded towards them with Max who was screaming in the lesson and not letting me out of my sight.  Fat Lady then repeated the story to me to which I immediately told Joel to move as it just wasn't worth having an argument and I knew I would never be returning to this hellish swimming lesson! 

Sometimes it's just not worth fighting these mini battles - I have to choose my battles.  And believe me I have fought many for Joel.  Just this one was too small and too unworthy.  This lady was never going to change.  I wasn't going to try and make her take a different stand.  Although if I was feeling really wilful I would have told her if she couldn't see her darling boy swimming she should get off her fat backside and start moving about a bit and then she may then see him and lose some weight and to stop being a miserable certain type of animal etc etc.  But I felt quite good about not divulging into all of this.   Especially as I didn't want to give other conspiratorial looking mothers who were sitting with the Fat Lady any other form of entertainment to the one they had already had.


Back to Jok.  This was a man who sat me down with Joel and another cub official at the start of Joel's cub experience with a somewhat scared and confused attitude to Joel age nine with severe autism joining his cub group.  He's a meat and two veg type and quite gruff and what my Grand mother would have described as 'manly'.    Jok had never come across this sort of thing and certainly none of the other cub leaders had.  He admitted this and said his group was a back water middle class group where people didn't experience a child with autism.  Joel's track record in Beavers had come before him across to the cubs about his love of painting (he smeared paint on the walls in the hall rather than on a poster so rather a lot of clearing up had to be done).   


Sinead Joel's carer and Joel at Cubs

So we started Joel off in the cubs with quite anxiously and I would be relieved to hear from Sinead that it had gone well and gradually Joel has really taken to the group and they have taken to him.  Sinead says Jok's face lights up when Joel comes into the room.  It's because Joel has endeared himself to Jok as he loves Jok and goes up to him jumping up and down so happily when he sees Jok.  Jok didn't know how to take this but he is getting used to it. 

In a recent cub inspection by Jok in a uniform inspection line  up (hope Joel hadn't chewed his toggle off again).  When Jok got to my autistic son Joel leapt out to Jok and said very loudly 'I got you!' which gave Jok a minor heart attack probably but apparently he did see the funny side to this.  Joel gets away with these things when another nine year old couldn't.  Joel likes to smear mud all over himself when going on cub outings to the Ashdown forest.  Other cubs won't be doing this but I'm sure they would secretly love to be doing this.   But they don't have the same sensory needs that Joel has.  They accept him though.  When going on a recent trip to the park Joel said to a boy 'hold hand' and the boy looked taken aback (it's not cool to hold hands when you're a nine year old boy especially with another boy) but this boy did hold his hand without question.  

Yesterday at cubs they were doing ballet.  Yes ballet.  All the other cubs were not taking part and some were sent out of the room as they were being rude about ballet and being generally very boyish about the whole experience.  Not Joel.  He was jumping up and down enjoying the ballet and loving the music and copying Sinead doing basic ballet moves!  It's Billy Elliot in the making!  You just gotta love it!   

The point I guess I'm trying to make is if everyone kept an open mind like Jok even though they admit they don't have a clue about autism but are willing to go with it and put up with the peculiarities that autism brings with it, then the world would be a brighter place.  I am sure he has wanted to control the environment when Joel is in like the Fat Lady, but  we can't control people least of all people with autism but we can try and help and guide them and teach them approriate behaviour and playing but with that it's not plain sailing.  Every person who wants to accept, include and help children like Joel will be making a difference.

Keep bringing a smile to our faces Joel we love you.

 

Joel with his beloved 'Granpa' and Granny today in the garden

Parents pack out East Grinstead restaurant to raise awareness of autism

Thursday, March 28, 2013

East Grinstead Courier and Observer

By Sam Satchell

 

A charity curry was held in support of an "invisible disability".
Parents and children packed into Nizam, in East Grinstead High Street, for the meal which raised more than £2,000 for Step By Step – a specialist school for children with autism.
The event was also designed to provide a better understanding of the condition prior to Autism Awareness Day on Tuesday, April 2.
Parents of autistic children face a daily challenge and issues can include shouting, crying, sleepless nights and developing specific routines.

Meridian FM presenter Alice Gordon-Clark, whose 9-year-old son, Joel, attends Step By Step, said: "I think it's very important to  raise awareness of autism, because some people aren't aware of the signs of autism. It's a hidden disability.
"When Joel was younger, people thought he was a bit naughty, but that was obviously his autism.
"He joined the cubs and has done really well. Joel's behaviour is so good now because of the school, but autism can also be treated with diets and therapy."
East Grinstead mother-of-two Amanda Clark, whose 10-year-old son Archie goes to another autistic school, Manor Green in Crawley, said the condition can be very unpredictable.
She said: "Archie is very bright and in lots of ways, he's just like any normal 10-year-old boy.
"But he can't keep himself safe. He might run out in the road. I have to have him by my side at all times because it's like constantly being on a knife edge. His behaviour is very unpredictable.
"Our lives are constantly affected. We can't really go on holiday because as soon as he's out of his routine, he can go on a downward spiral. It's trying to get people to understand that this is an invisible disability and that's what makes it so difficult.
"We are not irresponsible parents; we are brilliant parents struggling with children that have very specific needs."
The curry lunch, on Sunday, March 17, was suggested by Alice and organised by the Step By Step Parents' Association. Committee members are due to meet with the Sharpthorne school next term to discuss how best to spend the money on equipment for the children.
Both Alice and the school staff thanked everyone for their support.

For the love of Joel

If only you knew what we do for this boy
He's rarely ever asked for a toy
His killer smile can break your heart
His eyes look at you leaving you wanting more

Why are you looking thoughtful today?
What are you thinking please let me in
Give me a clue, give me a reason
Will you be able to tell me some day?

Your smile lights up a room
It's cheeky it's funny it's magical
I love the way you laugh and

First Fundraising event went off with a bang!

Head of Step by Step school Donna Fidler with me at the Fundraiser curry event for the school

Am so proud to announce that the fundraiser event I put on with a few other parents from the
Step by Step Parent's Association in East Grinstead near Joel's school on 17th March was in one parent's words 'beyond Step by Step's wildest dreams!. 

The 130 seats in the restaurant was full and the atmosphere was buzzing and people were being turned away!   I can't believe we did it and are now able to put this money towards a white board or other games/ipads which the school needs which is what I set out to do in a blog you may have read a few months ago after I'd been to the AGM meeting at the school.  It hit me that this school really does rely on charities for equipment and other things apart from running costs and staff fees.  So  thtat's really quite a lot of stuff they need.

Earlier on in the organisation to get this curry on the road I had Hyacinth Bouquet on the phone to me from the church I attend who was concerned my lunch was falling on her Lingfield lunch day, but I had to keep my date firm as we'd booked it with parents and actually it was my loss as she has a regular following. 

She called me the day after the lunch and was quick to give me her dates for the year for her other lunches as she'd heard my lunch went very well.  I was even quicker to point out that I had a child with severe autism and I didn't know if I'd be doing another lunch in a year let alone six months time!!!  I don't know if you realise it but it's a big thing to just sort out some paperwork on your desk if you have a child with autism and a few others let alone try and get into competition with other charity lunches in the area!  I didn't know if I'd get 20 people to this gig never mind the 130 lovely people who all turned up !

I am so thankful to all the local businesses and other businesses who sponsored this event and gave to the raffle prizes.  Also thank you to everyone who came along and those who just sent money to the school who couldn't come.    Thanks to Charlotte, Carmen and Claire some other mothers who helped to make this event run so smoothly and to Saleem at Nizam who has offered me a job in marketing!!

I hope that this will be an annual event for the Parent's Association and am happy to have helped this wonderful school and these amazing children who some of them sat so well at the event and this is all because of the school they go to.  Thank you Step by Step!!!xx

When the Lights Came Back On...

Joel, Max, Holly and Jake

I can't tell you how immensely proud I am of our little boy Joely this week

We have had a very good weekend and have done weekend things that a parent may do with their children and don’t think twice about it; riding in the morning, a good trip to the theatre on Saturday including sitting quietly for tea and cake in the interval, and to church on Sunday. All activities which may get a little noisy and frantic especially in church if faced with small children; but nothing in the league of doing these things with a child with autism believe me.

When faced with a child with autism to do these things you would usually come out of them in one of these states :-

a) leaving very early because your child can't cope with this level of noise/sensory input ie if a baby screams Joel would bash his head on knees and start crying and shouting. Not a good look in a quiet church.
b) having heart palpitations, incredibly stressed, upset and on the verge of tears if not already in tears and
c) thinking this is never going to get better, especially when it’s re-iterated with sympathetic people around saying ‘it must be very hard’. Yes it’s incredibly hard but somehow when you hear that it’s even harder.

A year ago I ticked all of these boxes with Joel on a bad day. On a good day I ticked one of them but a box was always ticked. This weekend I didn't tick one box. A mini miracle to me in the world of autism where nothing is taken for granted.

The theatre trip was amazing. It was to see Seussical the musical and Joel initially sat there with his hands in his ears and requested the 'toilet' in the first act (we ignored him as this is his way of getting out of things). But within minutes he was laughing at the show and very excited to be there. I had to take this all in: my family were sitting in a row enjoying a show! A year ago we were in the same theatre watching Annie and Joel lasted five minutes (to the delight of his father who really was not looking forward to sitting through this so I can’t really blame him there). But the point is he could not have sat for very long without getting very upset and agitated and we usually had to jump ship. It’s a bit like being on a constant journey with a child with autism as you can’t sit still for long as usually you’re on the move. This weekend we were on a mini break in the autism world. Is this what it’s like living in a ‘normal’ family?

In the theatre interval Joel had his toilet break and then sat beautifully to have some tea. At church he sat very well and smiled throughout though did need some rice cakes to keep him quiet and some books and a Thomas train. Jake took him for a country walk to end the weekend and came back saying they were singing in the car and how great it is that Joel’s so happy. In Jake’s cynical way he said it’ll probably all come crashing down and I understood this as sometimes you move forwards and then it somehow goes backwards again in autism I can’t describe it but you can’t get complacent as when we’re on good runs it usually does come crashing down. This has made us both slightly jaded. But a bit like doctors and nurses our humour has become more cynical and dark and somehow you have to see the funny side of things when you’re in the thick of it.


This little boy with autism is like he is today because of what therapy he receives (ABA therapy at his school) and what intervention we are doing with him bio medically to help heal his gut.

We are still on the biomedical path with Joely age nine since the age of about three. Some parents decide to do this when they're on a mission to help recover their children from autism and some don’t think it works and some haven’t tried it. But we’ve seen differences in Joel since helping to heal his leaky gut and certainly he’s a lot happier.

Lots of children with autism are damaged on the inside which affects their brains but it's not really talked about as it’s a controversial subject with vaccinations mentioned. But there are parents who can see the damage being done to their children quite literally in front of their eyes.

I saw the lights go out out after a standard chicken pox vaccination. It was weird; I saw it so clearly and I thought how could this happen that my son who was developing ok and saying some words and actually getting somewhere just being turned off very suddenly. He was quiet in the car on the way back from the GP and I kept saying Joel are you ok Joel? Joel what's up? There was blankness in his eyes as he was staring into space and I had lost him. I swear I had and you can tell me different but I am his mother and I saw it I wanted to ignore it I had too much on with new-born Holly it couldn't possibly be could it? He'd had the MMR jab quite late (age two) as I was pressured into getting it as the nurse said there was a measles outbreak in Sydney (I later discovered there wasn't). But he had survived that ok. So he was doing ok. I was seeing some progress but as the paediatrician told me later some kids just can get pushed over the edge if they have too many jabs especially if they have bad guts and have had lots of antibiotics as a baby and ear infections these kids are more vulnerable. I didn't know any of this. Well we're not told this as first time mothers are we? This is why some in the autism world are trying to petition for tests being carried out to all children before vaccinations so that the more vulnerable ones don’t get vaccinated and pushed into autism. I’m not saying this was what caused all of Joel’s autism and he always had issues but I’m saying it pushed him over the edge. Slowly we’re getting him back.


To get him back it amounts to giving him lots of supplements including vitamins and aloe vera to heal the gut lining as these are usually damaged and the gluten/dairy free diet can help some children. In fact Joel came out of the fog when I took away gluten and dairy his pre-school teachers asked me what I'd done as he stopped falling all over the place and seemed to wake up.

It sounds bizarre but gluten and dairy can be like taking drugs for some kids with autism and it actually releases opiates in the brain which can make them appear spaced out and as if they are on something. I read somewhere it's like them being on opium. I have never experienced this but from looking at Joel it sure didn't want me to ever take any. Joel was always bumping into things and lying down as if he was on acid so when we took away these things he was addicted to - he would only eat wheat and dairy based foods.

The first time I exchanged a bottle of dairy milk with rice milk he was so furious with me he hurled it across the room and my heart broke it was like he was having withdrawal symptoms. It was so hard and I was living in paradise near the beach in Sydney yet suddenly with a two year old who was so far off the Richter scale I had to do something. I also had newborn Holly in the mix who would be bundled along with Joel and me going a million miles an hour to get to ABA sessions across Sydney and other places. Chiropractors, kenesiologists, homoeopaths you name it Joel was first in the queue usually kicking and screaming. Holly had a few of these treatments too which did her some good and she had no vaccinations when I realised the effect it had on Joel. She has benefitted from taking fish oils since a baby and she’s a very bright vivacious girl but this was really meant for Joel’s eye contact as it’s recommended for kids with autism. His eye contact is great these days.


Some children are loaded with heavy metals notably mercury and this can be chelated by giving these capsules which bind to the mercury which allows the body to get rid of it. It's been a while since we wanted to do this as we had to get Joel's gut right and we have waited a few years for the nutritionist to give the go ahead for this but we have done three rounds of chelation which for us involves a three day course every eight hours giving him a capsule in juice to drink. He’s amazing and does it as I think he’s used to drinking the supplements we give him so just gets on with it and I think he knows they are to help him.

So far so good and I have noticed he’s doing a few more things and is more alert. It can take over a year to see anything as the mercury doesn’t get out of the body for a year or I was told but it contains sulphur which I was told is good for them so the benefits can be seen sooner.

We’re on a long road and have just started it with this chelation business. Funnily enough my sister recently handed me an article from the daily mail about parents who had ‘cured’ their son of autism (don’t judge the paper at least they are writing about this unwritten subject) :-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2271608/Can-really-cure-child-autism-With-parental-devotion-pioneering-treatment-Jamies-behaviour-transformed-So-experts-sceptical.html

Their son had ABA (intensive programme of 40 hours a week at age 3) and also given capsules of a drug called dimercaptosuccinic acid. This is what lots of parents are doing with their children who have had tests which show they have really high levels of mercury in them which Joel had too. Some theories link autism to mercury poisoning in the environment and vaccinations. So we’re at the beginning of chelation and have a long way to go. It’s tiring but it’s worth it I think. If we don’t try it we will never know. And already I’ve seen the lights come back on.

I can't tell you how immensely proud I am of our little boy Joely this week We have had a very good weekend and have done weekend things that a parent may do with their children and don’t think twice about it; riding in the morning, a good trip to the theatre on Saturday including sitting quietly for tea and cake in the interval, and to church on Sunday. All things that may get a little noisy and frantic in church if faced with small children but nothing in the league of having a child with autism believe me. When faced with a child with autism to do these things you would usually come out of them in one of these states :- a) leaving very early because your child can't cope with this level of noise/sensory input ie if a baby screams Joel would bash his head on knees and start crying and shouting. Not a good look if in a quiet church. b) having heart palpitations, incredibly stressed, upset and on the verge of tears if not already in tears and c) thinking this is never going to get better, especially when it’s re-iterated with sympathetic people around saying ‘it must be very hard’. Yes it’s incredibly hard but somehow when you hear that it’s even harder. A year ago I ticked all of these boxes with Joel on a bad day. On a good day I ticked one of them but a box was always ticked. This weekend I didn't tick one box. A mini miracle to me in the world of autism where nothing is taken for granted. The theatre trip was amazing. It was to see Seussical the musical and Joel initially sat there with his hands in his ears and mentioned the 'toilet' in the first act (we ignored him as this is his way of getting out of things). But within minutes he was laughing at the show and very excited to be there. I had to take this all in: my family were sitting in a row enjoying a show! A year ago we were in the same theatre watching Annie and Joel lasted five minutes (to the delight of his father who really was not looking forward to sitting through this so I can’t really blame him there). But the point is he could not have sat for very long without getting very upset and agitated and we usually had to jump ship. It’s a bit like being on a constant journey with a child with autism as you can’t sit still for long as usually you’re on the move. This weekend we were on a mini break in the autism world. Is this what it’s like living in a ‘normal’ family? In the theatre interval Joel had his toilet break and then sat beautifully to have some tea. At church he sat very well and smiled throughout though did need some rice cakes to keep him quiet and some books and a Thomas train. Jake took him for a country walk to end the weekend and came back saying they were singing in the car and how great it is that Joel’s so happy. In Jake’s cynical way he said it’ll probably all come crashing down and I understood this as sometimes you move forwards and then it somehow goes backwards again in autism I can’t describe it but you can’t get complacent as when we’re on good runs it usually does come crashing down. This has made us both slightly jaded. But a bit like doctors and nurses our humour has become more cynical and dark and somehow you have to see the funny side of things when you’re in the thick of it. This little boy with autism is like he is today because of what therapy he receives (ABA therapy at his school) and what intervention we are doing with him bio medically to help heal his gut. We are still on the biomedical path with Joely age nine since the age of about three. Some parents decide to do this when they're on a mission to help recover their children from autism and some don’t think it works and some haven’t tried it. But we’ve seen differences in Joel since helping to heal his leaky gut and certainly he’s a lot happier. Lots of children with autism are damaged on the inside which affects their brains but it's not really talked about as it’s a controversial subject with vaccinations mentioned. But there are parents who can see the damage being done to their children quite literally in front of their eyes. I saw the lights go out out after a standard chicken pox vaccination. It was weird; I saw it so clearly and I thought how could this happen that my son who was developing ok and saying some words and actually getting somewhere just being turned off very suddenly. He was quiet in the car on the way back from the GP and I kept saying Joel are you ok Joel? Joel what's up? There was blankness in his eyes as he was staring into space and I had lost him. I swear I had and you can tell me different but I am his mother and I saw it I wanted to ignore it I had too much on with new-born Holly it couldn't possibly be could it? He'd had the MMR jab quite late (age two) as I was pressured into getting it as the nurse said there was a measles outbreak in Sydney (I later discovered there wasn't). But he had survived that ok. So he was doing ok. I was seeing some progress but as the paediatrician told me later some kids just can get pushed over the edge if they have too many jabs especially if they have bad guts and have had lots of antibiotics as a baby and ear infections these kids are more vulnerable. I didn't know any of this. Well we're not told this as first time mothers are we? This is why some in the autism world are trying to petition for tests being carried out to all children before vaccinations so that the more vulnerable ones don’t get vaccinated and pushed into autism. I’m not saying this was what caused all of Joel’s autism and he always had issues but I’m saying it pushed him over the edge. Now we’re getting him back. To get him back it amounts to giving him lots of supplements including vitamins and aloe vera to heal the gut lining as these are usually damaged and the gluten/dairy free diet can help some children. In fact Joel came out of the fog when I took away gluten and dairy his pre-school teachers asked me what I'd done as he stopped falling all over the place and seemed to wake up. It sounds bizarre but gluten and dairy can be like taking drugs for some kids with autism and it actually releases opiates in the brain which can make them appear spaced out and as if they are on something. I read somewhere it's like them being on opium. I have never experienced this but from looking at Joel it sure didn't want me to ;ever take any Joel was always bumping into things and lying down as if he was on acid so when we took away these things he was addicted to - he would only eat wheat and dairy based foods. The first time I exchanged a bottle of dairy milk with rice milk he was so furious with me he hurled it across the room and my heart broke it was like he was having withdrawal symptoms. It was so hard and I was living in paradise near the beach in Sydney yet suddenly with a two year old who was so far off the Richter scale I had to do something. I also had newborn Holly in the mix who would be bundled along with Joel and me going a million miles an hour to get to ABA sessions across Sydney and other places. Chiropractors, kenesiologists, homoeopaths you name it Joel was first in the queue usually kicking and screaming. Holly had a few of these treatments too which did her some good and she had no vaccinations when I realised the effect it had on Joel. She has benefitted from taking fish oils since a baby and she’s a very bright vivacious girl but this was really meant for Joel’s eye contact as it’s recommended for kids with autism. His eye contact is great these days. Some children are loaded with heavy metals notably mercury and this can be chelated by giving these capsules which bind to the mercury which allows the body to get rid of it. It's been a while since we wanted to do this as we had to get Joel's gut right and we have waited a few years for the nutritionist to give the go ahead for this but we have done three rounds of chelation which for us involves a three day course every eight hours giving him a capsule in juice to drink. He’s amazing and does it as I think he’s used to drinking the supplements we give him so just gets on with it and I think he knows they are to help him. So far so good and I have noticed he’s doing a few more things and is more alert. It can take over a year to see anything as the mercury doesn’t get out of the body for a year or I was told but it contains sulphur which I was told is good for them so the benefits can be seen sooner. We’re on a long road and have just started it with this chelation business. Funnily enough my sister recently handed me an article from the daily mail about parents who had ‘cured’ their son of autism (don’t judge the paper at least they are writing about this unwritten subject) :- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2271608/Can-really-cure-child-autism-With-parental-devotion-pioneering-treatment-Jamies-behaviour-transformed-So-experts-sceptical.html Their son had ABA (intensive programme of 40 hours a week at age 3) and also given capsules of a drug called dimercaptosuccinic acid. This is what lots of parents are doing with their children who have had tests which show they have really high levels of mercury in them which Joel had too. Some theories link autism to mercury poisoning in the environment and vaccinations. So we’re at the beginning of chelation and have a long way to go. It’s tiring but it’s worth it I think. If we don’t try it we will never know. And already I’ve seen the lights come back on.

Seeing the lights Come Back On

Letter to Peter Huhne from Joel's father

Dear Peter,

In response to your comment that your father behaved like an autistic piece of s**t. I would like to say that while I have sympathy for your plight you should be reprimanded for the offensive and ignorant nature of this comment.

I am the father of a child with autism with knowledge of many other such children and for the record neither my son nor any child in his condition demonstrates the cold, lying and manipulative behaviour of Chris Huhne.

I appreciate that it is hard for you to come to terms with a father who has behaved in such a deplorable fashion and it may be easier to reconcile this by badging it with a condition but in doing so you have created a lazy and misleading stereotype.

People who suffer from autism and those that love them have a tough enough time without this kind of negative and entirely ignorant association being made.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Jake Gordon-Clark, father to Joel, 9years old and an autism sufferer.

Autism Book Review part 2 For the Love of Ann - Story of an autistic child

Adding to my earlier review on autism books here's another one which I said I'd read after Joel's swim instructor said it was pretty amazing how a very autistic girl grew out of her autism and seeing as there was an article recently about how some people with autism can grow out of autism it seems quite topical. BBC News - Children 'may grow out of autism'

The book that Joel's swimming instructor suggested I read is called for the Love of Ann - The True Story of an Autistic Child' about a girl called Ann who was born in the 50's and brought up in a time when autism was really not around.  The parents were told to put her in a home but they fought for her to have an education eventually and with the help of a very understanding head and with the work they did with Ann at home they succeeded in teaching Ann to talk and then to read and write. 

The parents and two brothers adored Ann and the love they gave her really does shine through the book.   This gives me hope as my husband and I think that love has a big role in Joel's development and people love Joel not just his family.  He has the effect on some that immediately get it and him and there are some who just don't get him.  For the ones that do get Joel I adore you.

The thing about this book which sets it apart from books written about children with autism today is the unpolitically correct style in which it is written.  The way these parents taught Ann to do things was by smacking her into submission if she did something she shouldn't be doing ie getting up all the time during meal times.  They didn't tell anyone what they were doing as they would be considered cruel but they kept on smacking her until she did what she was being taught ie holding a spoon at the table and using it.  When she finally understood this task she was rewarded with lots of cuddles.  The training was reward and punishment and it worked for this family but not sure this is recommended these days.  In fact people may be shocked at this method they used and I was a bit taken aback but I could understand how desperate they were.

You have to read the book to see how hard this family tried with Ann and not judge them for it as they weren't given a handbook about autism and there were no services out there to help and no ABA schools  for children with autism. Thank God we have the school and the knowledge of specialist tutors who have been trained in ABA methods which is very much based on re-enforcement and rewards for getting things right and ignoring bad behaviours.  So the techniques this family used was similar to techniques used with Joel apart from the smacking.  This book was written in a different era where disability was seen as shameful and where the parents were told either institutionalise her or drug her so they took it on themselves to help Ann and treat her at home and they came through it with a girl that clearly loved them back and could eventually tell them and laugh with them. 

Ann grew out of her autism and became a model and secretary but am not sure what happened to her.  The book was certainly inspirational as these parents got through the tough times and came out the other end so it was interesting to read how parents coped in the 60's living with autism - not very well and all behind closed doors as far as I can work out and I think these parents were an exception to the rule.  I'm grateful we live in a more accepting time but know that it's still difficult to understand even if you have all the books and guidance you can still get confused about what it's all about. 

It's the times when I see small gains and improvements with Joel that I have hope for him and his future.  When he said to me 'turn it on' and handed me the ipad the other day I was gob smacked and immediately turned it on and it made my day to hear him.  I can hear his voice these days even though it's very quiet and very low.  It's still a voice and as long as he has one I will do my utmost to let him be heard and be instantly responded to so that hopefully he might realise it can get him somewhere.

Joel's school Curry fundraiser Buffet

 

 

Am very excited to announce we are going to have our first Step by Step school Parent's association Fundraising event which involves eating lots of curry!

 

This is open to EVERYONE to come along to East Grinstead in West Sussex and support Step by Step School for children with autism and come and help raise money to go towards the two whiteboards needed which cost £2,500 amongst other things they needed for the school.  You may have read my post before that Step by Step rely heavily on charities for costs other than running costs of the school and staff salaries.  All the extra costs come from charities. 

 

So if you'd like tickets then do call or email me and will get them to you.  All  very welcome and the more the merrier.  Please help this first event go off with a bang! 

 

Currently looking for raffle prizes.  I don't mean that green looking liquor from fairs of old but talking about luxury spas/weekends away/hampers etc.  If you think you can help then I would love to hear from you!

 

Alice xx

 

 

 





 



Beauty School Drop Out

I woke up on the penultimate day of the school holidays and got out of bed in the usual blurry state.   I took a glance in the mirror as I passed the bathroom to see a gigantic line down my forehead (AKA a wrinkle).  I was so shocked by this line I gave a silent cry, as let's face it (literally) what else can you do?    I thanked Mother Nature for delivering this post-Christmas gift and carried on with my motherly duties in a more relaxed fashion than the norm as the school rush wasn't on. 

Father Christmas had given me a humongous supply of face creams.  I don't think I've ever received so many in one go (all mainly Boots No 7 and a few Clarins on my Christmas list).  So my husband thought I'd be in good supply for at least a few months which no doubt I will be.  I was slightly insulted that he unintentionally bought the 45-55 year old category for my no 7 cream and when I politely mentioned that I was in the 35-45 year old category to which he responded that was all a load of marketing rubbish, they shouldn't categorise cream by people's ages and they all do the same thing.  He's probably right and it's only my pride that was slightly dented by the age cream thing.  I have since been smathering on the stuff and hoping for the best.  It's the turning 40 thing that's slightly alarmed me, hence the request for facial cream. 

Broadcaster Fiona Bruce admitted recently that  ''Age is definitely an issue for women in TV.''
''So far, it hasn't been for me, but I know I need to make the best of myself.''
''For instance, if I have a few grey hairs. I dye them. I don't let my grey hair show when I'm reading the news''.   Well I appreciate your honesty Fiona and I bet you're also into trying out the latest miracle face creams!  Seeing as I'm in the broadcasting industry I guess it's worth plastering it on but do not wish to go any further than that.  Have you seen some people on TV resembling plastic dolls with no expression?  Bring on the natural look that's what people prefer isn't it?; just look at how the tides are changing with Britain's new love Clare Balding after her amazing commentary on the Paralympics she's been moved into Saturday night TV and I'm guessing she doesn't spend hours analyzing her skin.  So this makes me more confident with regards to my career and how people appreciate a brain and attractive personality with a few lines is more interesting! 

Regardless of my new beauty products, I saw an advert for local beauty school models and thought as soon as the littlies go back to school I will get going with a facial to iron out the new wrinkle.  I wheeled my two year old son into the school  with me (well I could hardly leave him outside) to book an appointment.  The beauty school therapists were busily waxing each other within an inch of their lives and Max wanted to get straight out of his pushchair to see what they were all babbling about.  He ran down the large room with salon beds of gushing girls saying hello and fawning over him and he was very pleased showing off in front of them.  Meanwhile Julie their teacher told them to be quiet as a client (me) was in the room.

So I went in to my appointment today to have a manicure and facial and was greeted by the receptionist and paid for my treatment up front and was told to sit down next to the other 'models' for our treatments.  Half an hour later I was greeted by Kelly my lovely manicurist and was sat down to a manicure and Julie the teacher was very instructive and obvioulsy very good.  It really felt like I was in the beauty parlour in the Grease movie.  Even their outfits were the same as the Pink Ladies!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TOxhzAm7fY.  My head was buzzing with the Song Beauty School Drop Out and was mesmorised by this video as a child. 

The Pink Ladies in Grease

Because of the late start I was told the manicure would continue while I was having a facial so was moved on to the bed surrounded with curtains and met Jessie my facialist who called me 'Honey' lots and was charming apart from being blasted with a white light while she analysed my skin through a magnifying glass for what seemed like half an hour.  She jotted so many notes down I wondered how bad my skin could be.  Then Julie came to oversea and look at my skin under light too and said 'are you outdoors lots?' ie your face is really weather beaten.  She said do I ride lots which was a nice way of putting it.  I did say I was outdoors lots which I am and generally thought that was good for my skin being on cliff walks and country walks whenever I get a chance!  Anyway Julie recommended I get into a beauty routine and look like this in ten years time and that was our aim.  I said go ahead and I'm all for that!!  My face was then steamed, massaged and given a Dermologica treatment.

An hour later I walked out as fresh as a daisy with a polished face and my hands were lifted out of of wax paraffin bag and nails swiftly painted.  The polish didn't dry properly so they were slightly the way I do them when I'm in a hurry but overall the result wasn't bad for a beauty school therapist. 

My friend who called me half way through the beauty treatment has already asked to come along with me for a facial to cut costs this January.  Our original plan was to go to the Alexander Spa Hotel down the road for a spa day.  But seeing as we're both broke it's a trip down to the Sussex college, but I know we'll have as much fun here.  It's the company you keep that matters after all isn't it?